If you think Halloween III was stupid, you're wrong. It has the greatest ending of any horror movie ever made, compounded by the fact that I met a 60-something Tom Atkins at the "Rock n' Shock" show two years ago. He autographed my t-shirt, and did me the great honor of re-enacting this famous scene right to my face. Watch it here, and oh yeah-- don't forget to watch the big giveaway at 9!
October 30, 2007
A Special Halloween Message
Courtesy of my favorite Halloween movie ever, "Halloween III - Season of the Witch":
October 8, 2007
What Happened to the Four Freedoms?
I have just returned from a quite enjoyable Columbus Day Weekend in the Berkshires. Becky and I spent a few days driving around, swimming, eating, exploring, and just "getting away from it all". Our modest sightseeing adventures included a pleasant hour or two in the amazing Norman Rockwell Museum in Stockbridge, where I was reminded of what may be Rockwell's most touching and familiar works, the illustrations for the Four Freedoms put forth by Roosevelt during World War Two.
I found a site detailing the Freedoms, the essays on each one published in the Saturday Evening Post (as part of a massive and hugely successful campaign for Government War Bonds), and most importantly, Roosevelt's elegant definitions of each. While not explicitly stated in our Constitution, these Freedoms are more of a moral imperative for humankind than any freedom that can be granted by the words of legislative documents.
Coming from a former American President, one would think that each of these Freedoms, which inspired such iconic paintings that seem to represent the liberties and values Americans hold dear, would be first and foremost granted in the nation that identified them as necessities. However, almost 70 years later, Roosevelt's vision of what might be achieved in his own "time and generation" have been eroded so gradually and subtly, that they seem to be in danger of extinction both in America and "everywhere in the world," disappearing not with a bang, but a whimper. Granted, there are certainly those among us who recognize these erosions, and aim to halt and hopefully reverse them. Unfortunately, these groups and individuals seem to be a minority these days -- not a minority in their goals, but in the mere consciousness of the need for change.
1. Freedom of Speech and Expression (Everywhere in the World):
There are a brave few who still exercise this Freedom at their own peril. Today, we live under an administration that will not tolerate dissent, and intentionally isolates itself from criticism to create a perception of infallibility, inscrutability, and a clear disregard for the will of its citizens. Protest and assembly, one of our very first Constitutional Rights, is now confined to "Free Speech Zones", which are nothing more than glorified cages to protect our leaders from dissent or displeasure. Our news organizations, once trusted to deliver the truth and to expose the lies and machinations of governments around the world, are now corporate conglomerates with close ties and allegiances to political groups. The news and information we receive, mere steps away from outright propaganda, is now carefully crafted and engineered to keep us loyal, afraid, unquestioning, and woefully uninformed.
2. Freedom of Worship (Everywhere in the World):
Today, everywhere in the world, religious groups are being persecuted, demonized, murdered, displaced, tortured, and oppressed. Our own government has used religion as a crowbar to draw moral distinctions between ourselves and our enemies. Our Presidential candidates are publicly hoping that we end up with a "Christian President", while fundamentalist Christian groups are gaining more and more political influence with each election cycle. Recently, a Muslim Congressman was sworn in by placing his hand on a copy of the Koran, and not the Christian Bible, causing a wave of controversy and intolerance, due to preconceived notions tying the Muslim faith with extremist terrorism and political ideology. In a direct and flagrant affront to the vision of our Founding Fathers, religion and politics have become so intertwined, that they are almost synonymous.
3. Freedom From Want (Everywhere in the World):
In our world right now, 2 percent of the adult population possess over 50 percent of the world's wealth and assets, while the poorest 50 percent possess only 1 percent of this wealth according to a recent UN study. This may be a difficult set of statistics to imagine, (more on visualizing statistics here), but in terms of a representative analogy, consider this: If the entire population of Earth was represented by a group of 10 people, and the group was given 100 dollars to represent all the wealth of the world, the equivalent distribution would result in ONE PERSON posessing 99 of the 100 dollars, while the remaining 1 dollar would be SHARED by the remaining 9 people in the group.
I found a site detailing the Freedoms, the essays on each one published in the Saturday Evening Post (as part of a massive and hugely successful campaign for Government War Bonds), and most importantly, Roosevelt's elegant definitions of each. While not explicitly stated in our Constitution, these Freedoms are more of a moral imperative for humankind than any freedom that can be granted by the words of legislative documents.In the future days which we seek to make secure, we look forward to a world founded upon four essential human freedoms.After seeing these paintings once again in person, I was struck by their universality, and the unvarnished, straightforward way in which each relates its specific Freedom to the viewer.
The first is freedom of speech and expression
-- everywhere in the world.
The second is freedom of every person to worship God in his own way
-- everywhere in the world.
The third is freedom from want, which, translated into world terms, means economic understandings which will secure to every nation a healthy peacetime life for its inhabitants
-- everywhere in the world.
The fourth is freedom from fear, which, translated into world terms, means a world-wide reduction of armaments to such a point and in such a thorough fashion that no nation will be in a position to commit an act of physical aggression against any neighbor
-- anywhere in the world.
That is no vision of a distant millennium. It is a definite basis for a kind of world attainable in our own time and generation. That kind of world is the very antithesis of the so-called "new order" of tyranny which the dictators seek to create with the crash of a bomb.
- Franklin Delano Roosevelt,
excerpted from the Annual
Message to the Congress,
January 6, 1941
Coming from a former American President, one would think that each of these Freedoms, which inspired such iconic paintings that seem to represent the liberties and values Americans hold dear, would be first and foremost granted in the nation that identified them as necessities. However, almost 70 years later, Roosevelt's vision of what might be achieved in his own "time and generation" have been eroded so gradually and subtly, that they seem to be in danger of extinction both in America and "everywhere in the world," disappearing not with a bang, but a whimper. Granted, there are certainly those among us who recognize these erosions, and aim to halt and hopefully reverse them. Unfortunately, these groups and individuals seem to be a minority these days -- not a minority in their goals, but in the mere consciousness of the need for change.
1. Freedom of Speech and Expression (Everywhere in the World):
There are a brave few who still exercise this Freedom at their own peril. Today, we live under an administration that will not tolerate dissent, and intentionally isolates itself from criticism to create a perception of infallibility, inscrutability, and a clear disregard for the will of its citizens. Protest and assembly, one of our very first Constitutional Rights, is now confined to "Free Speech Zones", which are nothing more than glorified cages to protect our leaders from dissent or displeasure. Our news organizations, once trusted to deliver the truth and to expose the lies and machinations of governments around the world, are now corporate conglomerates with close ties and allegiances to political groups. The news and information we receive, mere steps away from outright propaganda, is now carefully crafted and engineered to keep us loyal, afraid, unquestioning, and woefully uninformed.
2. Freedom of Worship (Everywhere in the World):
Today, everywhere in the world, religious groups are being persecuted, demonized, murdered, displaced, tortured, and oppressed. Our own government has used religion as a crowbar to draw moral distinctions between ourselves and our enemies. Our Presidential candidates are publicly hoping that we end up with a "Christian President", while fundamentalist Christian groups are gaining more and more political influence with each election cycle. Recently, a Muslim Congressman was sworn in by placing his hand on a copy of the Koran, and not the Christian Bible, causing a wave of controversy and intolerance, due to preconceived notions tying the Muslim faith with extremist terrorism and political ideology. In a direct and flagrant affront to the vision of our Founding Fathers, religion and politics have become so intertwined, that they are almost synonymous.
3. Freedom From Want (Everywhere in the World):
In our world right now, 2 percent of the adult population possess over 50 percent of the world's wealth and assets, while the poorest 50 percent possess only 1 percent of this wealth according to a recent UN study. This may be a difficult set of statistics to imagine, (more on visualizing statistics here), but in terms of a representative analogy, consider this: If the entire population of Earth was represented by a group of 10 people, and the group was given 100 dollars to represent all the wealth of the world, the equivalent distribution would result in ONE PERSON posessing 99 of the 100 dollars, while the remaining 1 dollar would be SHARED by the remaining 9 people in the group.
There is almost certainly going to be disparity in wealth, class, and prosperity at any given moment, but the gap continues to widen. Millions of families and children of our own nation are without healthcare and/or living in poverty. If we are all entitled to Freedom From Want, it would seem that we are a long way from accomplishing it.
4. Freedom From Fear:
Fear is the driving force behind many of our every day decisions and actions. Fear of poverty, fear of crime, theft, loss, fear of death and injury, fear of our overall loss of security. We are constantly being reminded that "September 11th Changed Everything". We are constantly reminded that dangerous enemies wish to destroy us and our way of life, and that war is the solution to any number of continually-redefined problems in our world. Fear is the primary tool of a government that wishes to control us, be it the current administration, or any totalitarian, fascist, despotic, or dictatorial government in the entire history of human civilization.
We are not free from fear-- quite the opposite. Fear is spoon-fed to us every single day, be it fear of global terrorism, or fear of dying in a car accident. Fear of killer bees, sewer explosions, drowning children, accidental fires, exploding iPods, airplane crashes, power outages, rabid dogs, sexual predators, and home invasions can be found on any nightly newscast, any day of the week.
Fear of being unnattractive makes us buy beauty products and diet pills, fear of appearing unsuccessful influences us to buy extravagant homes and luxury cars. Fear of not being loved by our children convinces us to buy them toys, vacations, and expensive birthday bashes. For centuries, fear has been the single most exploited and useful emotion of humanity. Roosevelt's narrow definition of fear as it applies to military conflict is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the amazing array of fears that we must hope to someday be rid of. However, 70 years after Roosevelt's proclamation, we are no closer to shedding the fear of physical aggression in terms of the reduction of armed conflict and a continuing struggle for permanent world peace.
I am proud to be an American that embraces a vision of these Four Freedoms. I sincerely hope that within my own lifetime, I will witness--perhaps even participate in--a common effort to move mankind closer to achieving these goals. I thank Norman Rockwell for reminding me of the true America-- one that embraces our differences, not discourages them. One that promotes peace, goodwill, and prosperity, instead of the fruitless and unconscienable war that will surely define my generation.
September 24, 2007
Waste, Excess, and Consumption By the Numbers
I came across an amazing photographic artist by the name of Chris Jordan. I cannot even begin to fathom how he creates his pieces, or how many dozens of hours of work went into each one, but they are truly amazing.
Jordan's apparent hope is to give us some concrete idea of what the statistical numbers we hear all the time are really about. For example, when you hear that 1.5 BILLION dollars a week are being spent by our government to fund the war in Iraq, sure it sounds like a lot of money. But really, you have NO IDEA how to process such a staggering quantity of ANYTHING. You have never seen a billion of anything in your entire life, with the possible exception of blades of grass in a field, grains of sand, and the like. Have you ever seen 2 million soda cans, 8 million toothpicks, or 426,000 cell phones? Nope. So, go check it out right now.
Chris Jordan has taken upon himself the task of translating these almost-meaningless numbers and statistics into tangible, concrete representations, usually laced with acid irony. His finished pieces are enormous wall murals and triptychs, which, as Jordan explains on his website, really should be seen in person for the full measure of impact and appreciation (mostly due to their staggering sizes).
Jordan's apparent hope is to give us some concrete idea of what the statistical numbers we hear all the time are really about. For example, when you hear that 1.5 BILLION dollars a week are being spent by our government to fund the war in Iraq, sure it sounds like a lot of money. But really, you have NO IDEA how to process such a staggering quantity of ANYTHING. You have never seen a billion of anything in your entire life, with the possible exception of blades of grass in a field, grains of sand, and the like. Have you ever seen 2 million soda cans, 8 million toothpicks, or 426,000 cell phones? Nope. So, go check it out right now.
Chris Jordan has taken upon himself the task of translating these almost-meaningless numbers and statistics into tangible, concrete representations, usually laced with acid irony. His finished pieces are enormous wall murals and triptychs, which, as Jordan explains on his website, really should be seen in person for the full measure of impact and appreciation (mostly due to their staggering sizes).
The actual piece is about 250 times larger than this (60 x 100 FEET)
Anyway, this stuff is interesting and highly relevant, especially if you happen to be a statistician, accountant, or anyone else dealing with huge numbers. Go check it out.
September 12, 2007
Illustratology News Flash
I have a new finished piece up on my Illustration page. If you haven't been over there in a while, maybe you should take a minute or two and check it out. There's some new stuff up there (newest stuff is generally towards the top of the page) that I've been too busy to announce to the world.In other news... uh, nothing. I have some site design changes in mind, but it may be a couple of weeks before they go into effect, due to the tedious and daunting nature of web design in general. I'm also still working (sporadically) on a new pinup painting. No idea in the world when it may be finished, but I'm optimistic that it will be some of my best work.
End Transmission.
August 23, 2007
I Love Bacon
I'll warn you right off the bat--there's really no point to this post. I have just been thinking about bacon a lot lately, due to some pretty hilarious bacon-oriented events and discoveries in the last few months.Anyone who knows me as more than a casual acquaintance knows that one of my primary functions as a living being is to CONSUME BACON, and I'm really good at it. Yes, I realize it's probably not the best habit in the world. Add cigarettes and coffee to the equation, subtract exercise, and I'm basically enjoying the ride on the high-speed train to Death City. However, unlike smoking, I have successfully (and sadly) curbed my bacon consumption to a mere shadow of what it once was.
During my last two years of college, it was well known to roommates and close friends that I would spend the majority of every Saturday and Sunday morning frying me up anywhere from a half-pound to a pound of delicious bacon and a big pot of coffee, and spend two or three hours eating bacon, watching cartoons on TV, drinking coffee, and smoking cigarettes. Man... what a way to enjoy a day off. It was the perfect combination of childhood and adulthood: Complete disregard for my adult-ish responsibilities, my health, and any motivation to be productive, coupled with the adults-only pleasantries of coffee, smokes, and the ability to cook something hot and greasy without ending up in a Shriner's Hospital packed in ice.
Later, as my employment with University Food Services progressed from a simple lunchlady position up the dining-hall food chain to Student Supervisor, I realized that although I rarely used the employment benefit of free dining hall meals, it was an ideal way to score tons of free bacon. I stopped buying it at the grocery store, and made the mile-or-so walk from Euclid Avenue to Sadler Dining Center on the weekends, and took full advantage of the facility's all-you-can-eat policy, walking to the cafeteria table with a nice big plate piled high with greasy, delicious bacon. Mmmm....
Nowadays, bacon does not take quite as high of a priority for me, although I still love it as much as ever. I find that the stomach cramps I get from eating a pound of bacon in one sitting tend to outweigh the sensory pleasures of bacon's oily, crunchy deliciousness.
Imagine that you had a magic carpet. There's no denying that however often you use it, it's pretty damn awesome. But let's say riding on the magic carpet gives you motion sickness. Would you stop using it forever? No way dude, because it's a fucking magic carpet. So, in keeping with that analogy, however lame, I will sadly report that my bacon-eating has been reduced to an occasional luxury rather than a dietary staple.
When I saw an ingenious skit about bacon on my once-favorite show, The State, I felt like I may have been the only person on this Earth to completely relate to the feelings of a man (Ben Garant, probably better known for his role on "Reno 911!", and as director of the new flick "Balls of Fury") who adores bacon enough to make a dress out of it and tell it (bacon) his troubles when he feels mopey. I was also insanely jealous for not having been the first one to write a song singing the praises of bacon.
Take a look, and tell me this isn't some hardcore bacon-love:
In other bacon-related news:
Bacon-themed gifts from friends and family have become something of a tradition in my life. My good friends Lura and Dan bought me some Gummi Bacon for Christmas last year. I kind of doubt I'll ever eat it, it just seems a little too weird. But it is proudly displayed on my kitchen wall as a sort of trophy attesting to my love of fried strips of pig fat. My sister and her boyfriend have followed suit, giving me the magical gift of a Bacon Wallet for my birthday last month. I carry it proudly, and although it is a mere vinyl synthesis of what an actual bacon-crafted wallet would look like, it somehow manages to coat my credit cards and money with some sort of sticky film, almost as if it were emulating the effects of the real thing. I even received Christmas gifts thoughtfully wrapped with presumably expensive and hard-to-find bacon wrapping paper last year. You'd be surprised how many bacon-themed gifts, gags, and novelties there are out there. I, on the other hand, would not. I know I'm not the only baconophile out there.
As for the real catalyst which prompted me to blog an utterly insane tribute to my favorite foodstuff-- it all happened during a drive up to New Hampshire for a cigarette run two nights ago. After attempting a shortcut back to Massachusetts and getting lost, I eventually found my way back to Route 101 in Bedford. By this time, my bladder was screaming in agony due to the 2 huge cups of coffee that had accompanied me on my travels. I pulled into a gas station and asked if I could use their restroom.
While washing my hands and then cursing God after finding only a hot-air dryer to dry them with, I noticed what may well be the funniest thing I have ever seen. It looked something like this:
Sigh... if only there was a way to make this a reality instead of a cruel joke. While bacon may be less than useful when drying one's hands, the benefits of some sort of bacon-dispensing machine in every public restroom would transform America into my own personal paradise.
In any case, a quick Google search the next day revealed that this was hardly an isolated incident. In fact, the whole "Push Button -- Receive Bacon" gag had, unbeknownst to me, become something of an internet and pop culture meme, as evidenced by my search results.
Once again, I was kicking myself for not being the person who thought of this. So whoever you are out there, you have won my admiration and respect for being a comic genius on the topic of the most delicious of fried pork products. Thank you from the bottom of my cholesterol-polluted heart.
August 2, 2007
Dave, My Mind Is Going...I Can Feel It
I have decided that the end of the world has officially arrived.
Here are a few indicators that I'd like you to contemplate:
1. ANOTHER REMAKE of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers". Actually, this one is just called "The Invasion". Maybe Hollywood thought if they left the "Body Snatchers" part out of the title, nobody would notice that this is theTHIRD FOURTH TIME in 50 years that the same movie has been made. What makes this even more bizarre is the irony involved.
A soulless replica of a movie based on the concept of soulless replicas.
2. You won't believe what I saw last night (adding to the enormous pile of reasons that I detest television). A GMC Truck commercial, nothing extraordinary in its own right. Now, I think it's safe to assume that most of us have seen, and been at least moderately disappointed by, commercials (especially for cars) that feel the need to adopt classic rock anthems from years past in order to "relate" to the prime car-buying generation. We've heard The Who, Bob Seger, and countless others selling the rights to their songs, apparently along with their very souls, to The Man for a few bucks. It never fails to fill me with sadness and disappointment.
Last night however... my mind was utterly blown. The old Genesis classic, "Turn It On Again" was the theme music in a god damn truck commercial. Now, I ask you: Does this seem as somehow wrong and surreal to you as it did to me? Maybe when you see it for yourself, you'll understand. I am a big fan of Genesis... well, at least in the true prog-rock years (which pretty much just means the years that Peter Gabriel was still in the band), but Abacab-era, Phil Collins Genesis wasn't too bad either. A frigging truck commercial. Wow.
I have a definite feeling that someday in the not-too-distant future, we'll be seeing commercials for the new Honda Hovercar 5000, with the melodious strains of Limp Bizkit or Sir Mix-A-Lot or something, preying on our sense of nostalgia to sell us junk we don't really need. Whatever.
3. In better news, I saw "The Fountain" last night for the first time. Darren Aranofsky has yet again outdone himself. Honestly, I can't even tell you anything about the movie, it would just ruin it for you. All I ask is that you go rent or buy it as soon as humanly possible, sit back, press "play" and let your mind go swirling away.
My only problem with the movie is this: Where in the name of God can Aranofsky go from here? The guy's like, in his early 30's and has already made, in my opinion three of the most incredible movies of all time; "Pi", "Requiem For a Dream" and now this. If he continues to improve his craft, I fear it will blow my mind so badly that I shall have to spend the rest of my days in a sanitarium. That, or he'll make a film so amazing, that it will simply destroy the fabric of time and space with it's fabulousness. I'm doomed either way.
Here are a few indicators that I'd like you to contemplate:
1. ANOTHER REMAKE of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers". Actually, this one is just called "The Invasion". Maybe Hollywood thought if they left the "Body Snatchers" part out of the title, nobody would notice that this is the
A soulless replica of a movie based on the concept of soulless replicas.
2. You won't believe what I saw last night (adding to the enormous pile of reasons that I detest television). A GMC Truck commercial, nothing extraordinary in its own right. Now, I think it's safe to assume that most of us have seen, and been at least moderately disappointed by, commercials (especially for cars) that feel the need to adopt classic rock anthems from years past in order to "relate" to the prime car-buying generation. We've heard The Who, Bob Seger, and countless others selling the rights to their songs, apparently along with their very souls, to The Man for a few bucks. It never fails to fill me with sadness and disappointment.Last night however... my mind was utterly blown. The old Genesis classic, "Turn It On Again" was the theme music in a god damn truck commercial. Now, I ask you: Does this seem as somehow wrong and surreal to you as it did to me? Maybe when you see it for yourself, you'll understand. I am a big fan of Genesis... well, at least in the true prog-rock years (which pretty much just means the years that Peter Gabriel was still in the band), but Abacab-era, Phil Collins Genesis wasn't too bad either. A frigging truck commercial. Wow.
I have a definite feeling that someday in the not-too-distant future, we'll be seeing commercials for the new Honda Hovercar 5000, with the melodious strains of Limp Bizkit or Sir Mix-A-Lot or something, preying on our sense of nostalgia to sell us junk we don't really need. Whatever.
3. In better news, I saw "The Fountain" last night for the first time. Darren Aranofsky has yet again outdone himself. Honestly, I can't even tell you anything about the movie, it would just ruin it for you. All I ask is that you go rent or buy it as soon as humanly possible, sit back, press "play" and let your mind go swirling away.
My only problem with the movie is this: Where in the name of God can Aranofsky go from here? The guy's like, in his early 30's and has already made, in my opinion three of the most incredible movies of all time; "Pi", "Requiem For a Dream" and now this. If he continues to improve his craft, I fear it will blow my mind so badly that I shall have to spend the rest of my days in a sanitarium. That, or he'll make a film so amazing, that it will simply destroy the fabric of time and space with it's fabulousness. I'm doomed either way.
July 28, 2007
Hey It's My Birthday!
Here's a pertinent comic strip from my current favorite cartoonist on earth over at the Perry Bible Fellowship:
April 12, 2007
R.I.P Kurt Vonnegut 1922-2007
So it goes.
There's nothing I can say that can accurately convey the sense of loss I feel over one of the 20th Century's most important authors, except that his writing had an amazing way of putting everything -- our actions, our mere existence, the universe itself -- into perspective. Vonnegut was a man who broke down the hugeness of our planet, and the monstrousness of our species, into childlike concepts. I will never forget seeing him on a tv interview, advocating a new and much-needed Cabinet position: "Secretary of the Future".
Here's a pretty comprehensive summing-up of his life.
(Although they left out the part where he wonders aloud how long he was going to have to wait before the damn cigarettes finally did their job and killed him already.)
One more thing: Kurt Vonnegut, a cynical, curmudgeony genius, would no doubt appreciate the minimal media coverage (or lack thereof) concerning his death, and what it ultimately says about our culture and its fascination with "celebrities" vs. "actual important topics 1 through infinity". After browsing through several other blogs and message boards, it was difficult to keep from crying when I read the messages of grief and loss from his readers. Unfortunately, we have no problem focusing our attention on (for example) Anna-Nicole Smith and her death, her fortune, the lineage of her child -- for WEEKS on end. But the passing of a brilliant mind like Vonnegut's will surely receive only the most cursory mentions on tonight's news broadcasts. I hope I'm wrong, but I doubt it.
Note: I just checked Google News. Anna Nicole Smith is at the top of the quick-links list for today's news, with over 2,100 related articles. Kurt Vonnegut's death is listed about 3/4 of the way down the page, with about 800.
There's nothing I can say that can accurately convey the sense of loss I feel over one of the 20th Century's most important authors, except that his writing had an amazing way of putting everything -- our actions, our mere existence, the universe itself -- into perspective. Vonnegut was a man who broke down the hugeness of our planet, and the monstrousness of our species, into childlike concepts. I will never forget seeing him on a tv interview, advocating a new and much-needed Cabinet position: "Secretary of the Future".
Here's a pretty comprehensive summing-up of his life.
(Although they left out the part where he wonders aloud how long he was going to have to wait before the damn cigarettes finally did their job and killed him already.)
One more thing: Kurt Vonnegut, a cynical, curmudgeony genius, would no doubt appreciate the minimal media coverage (or lack thereof) concerning his death, and what it ultimately says about our culture and its fascination with "celebrities" vs. "actual important topics 1 through infinity". After browsing through several other blogs and message boards, it was difficult to keep from crying when I read the messages of grief and loss from his readers. Unfortunately, we have no problem focusing our attention on (for example) Anna-Nicole Smith and her death, her fortune, the lineage of her child -- for WEEKS on end. But the passing of a brilliant mind like Vonnegut's will surely receive only the most cursory mentions on tonight's news broadcasts. I hope I'm wrong, but I doubt it.
Note: I just checked Google News. Anna Nicole Smith is at the top of the quick-links list for today's news, with over 2,100 related articles. Kurt Vonnegut's death is listed about 3/4 of the way down the page, with about 800.
March 1, 2007
The Popov Society Rides Again
On the weekend of February 24th, 2007, the esteemed members of the Popov Society (est. 1997, Syracuse NY) came together for their first official winter session.The meeting was held at the borrowed mountain getaway of Justin Guinan, Doctor of Veterinary Butorphenology and host of this winter's activities. In attendance were myself, "Surly" John Tomaselli, "Pukey" John Laughlin, "Commander" Craig Peterson, "Jeffy Jeff" Jeff Feligno, Brian "Voice of Reason" Rickard, and a dog named Roxy.
The Popov Society typically meets annually during summer months for sessions involving camping, drinking, listening to music, swimming, and other activities too banal or frowned-upon-by-society to mention. The Society was formed in the spring of 1997, when several college students living in the same complex became friends through a series of chance meetings. Almost every member managed to become violently ill from ingesting Popov Vodka, with the curious exception of "Pukey" John, who did not puke at all until a single non-Popov-related incident years later, when he passed out and vomited on the Doorborough couch.
Highlights of the weekend's activities included:
The assembly of one of the two mystery puzzles contained in a murder mystery game called "C is for Chocolate".
- A violent attack from a Satanic ladybug.
- Somehow managing to hit myself in the face rather hard with a refrigerator door. My head still hurts and it's 6 days later.
- Wondering if Mike Mursch was going to surprise us by appearing over the vast horizon on a magic carpet, blasting Boston and drinking Iron City Beer.
- Reading through the book version of "Puppetry of the Penis" that we discovered in the basement.
- Discovering the existence of "Bruce Porn Road" only a few miles from our location.
- Eating smoked venison sticks, thoughtfully provided by "Pukey" John.
- The presence of an actual
SwissGerman cuckoo clock.
If we return, I have every intention of exploring Bruce Porn Road, as I have read there is a pretty good hike along a gorge nearby. In the meantime, enjoy the photos from our weekend sloth-fest.
February 11, 2007
Roller Derby Kicks ASS!
Last night Becky and I went to the Roller Derby. If you haven't been to one, you are missing out on one of the most intense and insanely enjoyable ways to spend an evening that I can think of.
It. Kicks. ASS.
I am no sports fan by any means. I enjoy a good hockey game from time to time, but most other sports, professional or otherwise, seem to have fallen prey to the unfortunate syndrome of the modern-day participants having outgrown the rules that were crafted close to a century ago. A sort of athletic inflation, if you will.Roller Derby is quite different than anything you've seen, I guarantee. Two teams of badass women compete for points in a bout with an amazingly simple set of rules.
It. Kicks. ASS.
I am no sports fan by any means. I enjoy a good hockey game from time to time, but most other sports, professional or otherwise, seem to have fallen prey to the unfortunate syndrome of the modern-day participants having outgrown the rules that were crafted close to a century ago. A sort of athletic inflation, if you will.Roller Derby is quite different than anything you've seen, I guarantee. Two teams of badass women compete for points in a bout with an amazingly simple set of rules.
A bout (the overall match) is made up of three 20-minute periods. Each period is filled with 2-minute "jams" in which one member from each team (known as the "jammer") tries to pass all members of the opposing team at least once without getting blocked or knocked out of bounds. For each opposing player the jammer passes after initially taking the lead, a point is awarded. Although the blocking techniques can result in some brutal collisions and spills, there are formal rules as to how the blocking is done. Elbowing, tripping, or any sort of pushing with the hands is forbidden, and will eventually result in the offender being sent to the Penalty Box. This leaves a wide variety of techniques by which the "blockers" may prevent a jammer from passing by. Collisions with hips, full-body obstruction, and "booty blocking" (named so for obvious reasons) is allowed.
All technical explanations aside, this would be fun to watch even if you had no idea what was going on. But the rules and general gameplay are thoughtfully explained and demonstrated before each bout, for the edification of the entire audience. This is one of the excellent aspects of going to see the Boston Derby Dames play: It is an open and friendly event that can appeal to anyone. There's no inherent rivalry between teams, no anger or outrage from fans, and there's plenty of music, beer, snacks, and helpful banter from the announcers to make it virtually impossible not to have fun.
Anyone who knows me will recall that when it comes to sports, I don't care. At all. In my younger days, I was a big fan of the Boston Celtics, and Larry Bird was and is my greatest all-time sports hero. But as the 80's gave way to the 90's and the domination of the sport by
players like Jordan and Shaq, I lost interest. Basketball is still a good game, but the problem is that the players have gotten too good for the rules, and eliminated much of the challenge, teamwork, and fast-paced strategic execution that used to amaze me. I still think the net should be raised one foot in order to keep the evolution of the game congruous with that of the athletes.I played Little League as a kid, and liked baseball a lot. I saw Roger Clemens pitch for the Red Sox in his rookie year, and was amazed at his skill. But in the last decade, I have soured on pro baseball as well. My gripe is that pro baseball players, like most modern-day professional athletes, have been conditioned to think that because they can throw a ball or run fast, that they are better than anyone else. The reason is money. A pro athlete today can expect to make millions of dollars a year, be considered a priveleged celebrity, and, in extreme cases, be the stars of bad films, rap albums, and outrageously high-paying product endorsements. I have never felt that athletes should be comparable with movie stars. Actually, I don't even think movie stars should be treated like movie stars. The word "professional" implies that you do what you do because it's your job, not because it makes you a superstar millionaire. Do I sound bitter and jealous? Think what you want, because I'm not. I will be the first person to encourage people to seek out employment that they will enjoy for the rest of their lives, and if you happen to make millions doing it, more power to you. My issue is that professional sports, along with acting, singing, and other hyper-glorified professions, project standards and aspirations to the average person that are unreasonable, misleading, and loaded with almost certain disappointment.
But all that is a topic for another day. Back to the point, seeing a Derby bout is fun and family-friendly, in the same sense as going to a minor-league baseball game would be. The tickets are inexpensive, and you can't help but be swept up by the fast-paced action and intensity of each jam. It's a relatively low-to-no-frills event, there are no cheerleaders or celebrities singing the National Anthem. Certainly there are merchandise sales, advertisements, and contests, in a sense. But it's all very down-to-earth; Advertisements come from local sponsors (largely roller-skating rinks), merchandise is reasonably-priced. In my opinion, Roller Derby is to sports what punk rock is to music. Its own existence is a statement in and of itself. It really doesn't matter how great you are, who wins or loses. Stripped down, simplified, and a venue not only to perform, but to simultaneously and expressively be yourself and reinvent your own image and personality. Skaters, referees, and even the announcers sport descriptive aliases that sound like something out of professional wrestling-meets-Mad Max.
Oh, and don't be intimidated by all the Bettie Bangs, tattoos, fishnet stockings, and piercings. You don't have to shop at Hot Topic to enjoy a Roller Derby. It's not a rave or a poetry slam, but a simple and straightforward sport that has evolved into the perfect athletic outlet for the modern young woman (especially the modern young woman with a colorful name like Goldiboxx, Maura Buse, or Wanda Whipya). Flat-track Roller Derby got its start in the 1930's, originally designed as a simple length-based race around a track. Inevitably, collisions and inadvertent injury ensued much to the excitement of the audience (who, I imagine, would otherwise have been bored to tears), and the concept was reimagined as a co-ed contest with the same basic rules as are used today.
Roller Derby never really caught on as a major sport, but enjoyed spikes of popularity in the 1950's, 1970's, and of course, in the 1990's on the now-defunct TNN's "Rollerjam". (TNN is now Spike TV, and is basically a televised version of Maxim Magazine. It's no surprise that sweaty short-skirted roller-chicks crashing into each other was a precursor to what the station is today.)
The national Derby league that includes last night's Boston Derby Dames is called the Women's Flat Track Derby Association. It is primarily owned, operated, regulated, and moderated by the skaters themselves. In a world where corporations pay millions to put their name on a home run or instant replay, this is impressive to me. The whole enterprise is a refreshing and engrossing pastime, and I certainly intend to go to as many bouts as possible as they are announced.
If there's a WFTDA team near you, I demand that you go check it out at once.
Anyone who knows me will recall that when it comes to sports, I don't care. At all. In my younger days, I was a big fan of the Boston Celtics, and Larry Bird was and is my greatest all-time sports hero. But as the 80's gave way to the 90's and the domination of the sport by
players like Jordan and Shaq, I lost interest. Basketball is still a good game, but the problem is that the players have gotten too good for the rules, and eliminated much of the challenge, teamwork, and fast-paced strategic execution that used to amaze me. I still think the net should be raised one foot in order to keep the evolution of the game congruous with that of the athletes.I played Little League as a kid, and liked baseball a lot. I saw Roger Clemens pitch for the Red Sox in his rookie year, and was amazed at his skill. But in the last decade, I have soured on pro baseball as well. My gripe is that pro baseball players, like most modern-day professional athletes, have been conditioned to think that because they can throw a ball or run fast, that they are better than anyone else. The reason is money. A pro athlete today can expect to make millions of dollars a year, be considered a priveleged celebrity, and, in extreme cases, be the stars of bad films, rap albums, and outrageously high-paying product endorsements. I have never felt that athletes should be comparable with movie stars. Actually, I don't even think movie stars should be treated like movie stars. The word "professional" implies that you do what you do because it's your job, not because it makes you a superstar millionaire. Do I sound bitter and jealous? Think what you want, because I'm not. I will be the first person to encourage people to seek out employment that they will enjoy for the rest of their lives, and if you happen to make millions doing it, more power to you. My issue is that professional sports, along with acting, singing, and other hyper-glorified professions, project standards and aspirations to the average person that are unreasonable, misleading, and loaded with almost certain disappointment.
But all that is a topic for another day. Back to the point, seeing a Derby bout is fun and family-friendly, in the same sense as going to a minor-league baseball game would be. The tickets are inexpensive, and you can't help but be swept up by the fast-paced action and intensity of each jam. It's a relatively low-to-no-frills event, there are no cheerleaders or celebrities singing the National Anthem. Certainly there are merchandise sales, advertisements, and contests, in a sense. But it's all very down-to-earth; Advertisements come from local sponsors (largely roller-skating rinks), merchandise is reasonably-priced. In my opinion, Roller Derby is to sports what punk rock is to music. Its own existence is a statement in and of itself. It really doesn't matter how great you are, who wins or loses. Stripped down, simplified, and a venue not only to perform, but to simultaneously and expressively be yourself and reinvent your own image and personality. Skaters, referees, and even the announcers sport descriptive aliases that sound like something out of professional wrestling-meets-Mad Max.Oh, and don't be intimidated by all the Bettie Bangs, tattoos, fishnet stockings, and piercings. You don't have to shop at Hot Topic to enjoy a Roller Derby. It's not a rave or a poetry slam, but a simple and straightforward sport that has evolved into the perfect athletic outlet for the modern young woman (especially the modern young woman with a colorful name like Goldiboxx, Maura Buse, or Wanda Whipya). Flat-track Roller Derby got its start in the 1930's, originally designed as a simple length-based race around a track. Inevitably, collisions and inadvertent injury ensued much to the excitement of the audience (who, I imagine, would otherwise have been bored to tears), and the concept was reimagined as a co-ed contest with the same basic rules as are used today.
Roller Derby never really caught on as a major sport, but enjoyed spikes of popularity in the 1950's, 1970's, and of course, in the 1990's on the now-defunct TNN's "Rollerjam". (TNN is now Spike TV, and is basically a televised version of Maxim Magazine. It's no surprise that sweaty short-skirted roller-chicks crashing into each other was a precursor to what the station is today.)The national Derby league that includes last night's Boston Derby Dames is called the Women's Flat Track Derby Association. It is primarily owned, operated, regulated, and moderated by the skaters themselves. In a world where corporations pay millions to put their name on a home run or instant replay, this is impressive to me. The whole enterprise is a refreshing and engrossing pastime, and I certainly intend to go to as many bouts as possible as they are announced.
If there's a WFTDA team near you, I demand that you go check it out at once.
Here are some photos from last night's bout between the Boston Massacre and the Philadelphia Liberty Belles, themed "Slaughters of the Revolution!". (Sorry about the quality, it was very dark at the venue.)
February 2, 2007
Groundhog Day
Is it "Groundhog" or "Groundhog's" day? I never really knew for sure.
Anyway, this day is kind of a bizarre and pointless tradition, but this year ol' Phil has predicted an early Spring for the first time I can remember. I wonder if this has anything to do with global warming?
Ok well, it may be a silly day and a silly tradition, but the movie of the same name is one of my all-time favorites. Here's a politicized spoof by Tom Tomorrow. Enjoy!
Anyway, this day is kind of a bizarre and pointless tradition, but this year ol' Phil has predicted an early Spring for the first time I can remember. I wonder if this has anything to do with global warming?
Ok well, it may be a silly day and a silly tradition, but the movie of the same name is one of my all-time favorites. Here's a politicized spoof by Tom Tomorrow. Enjoy!
January 23, 2007
I Just Don't Understand Spam: A Rant
I hate spam, and I know I'm not the only one.
Wikipedia, my favorite semi-reliable source of knowledge, describes "spam" (as it applies to email) as "Unsolicited Bulk Email". Basically, a modernized version of junk mail, except that it mostly has to do with increasing the size of your penis and helping Nigerian bankers smuggle some dead guy's money.There has probably been some form of spam in existence since the beginning of human history.
Almost everyone has, at some point, found flyers or ads or bible verses stuck under their windshield wiper. Go to Las Vegas, and you'll see guys about every 8 feet all the way down the Strip, handing out little cards to everyone who passes by, regardless of age, sex, or demeanor. These cards typically feature photos of unclothed women, complete with phone numbers for escort services, stripping agencies, or phone sex lines. It makes me wonder-- did they do this kind of thing in Ancient Rome or other eras of civilization? I can understand how movable type and the Industrial Revolution made advertising in ALL forms a lot easier, and a lot more pervasive, but in the grand scope of history, those are pretty recent developments. I do theorize that there has always been pornography or some form of selling sex, and probably there have always been scams and salesmen. Do you think cavemen handed out stones with cave-paintings on them to advertise hot cavewomen that would come to your cave and dance and grunt for only 5 pig-skulls? I think it's not only possible, but fairly likely.
So, let's move forward a couple million years, to a time and place in which every morning I have between 200 and 600 emails in my inbox. On some days, 100% of these are spam. Other days, I get one or two real messages from friends or family or clients. The other 598 messages are the most obnoxious, idiotic, unsolicited hogwash I have ever seen.
Look, I understand the principle. I work in marketing, and much of my job consists of finding cost-effective ways to raise awareness and sales of my company's products. Advertising by email costs virtually nothing, and occasionally it may actually help promote a business or gain customers. But how are you going to promote a product with subject lines full of complete nonsense? Is this actually fooling anyone? I'm talking about the really spammy stuff, the messages that have subjects like some of the ones I received today:
- He my vendetta - (What does this even mean?)
- Everything for you penis at low prices - (My penis has everything it needs, thanks.)
- in aback as waggle - (Again, total nonsense. How is this supposed to entice me to buy things?)
- New Winter Poetry Contest - Enter Now! Win 10,000 Dollars - (I don't write poetry)
In fact, Mr. David Wong has compiled a hilarious Spam Subject Line Museum at his Pointless Waste Of Time website. My examples seem rather tame compared to some of his listings. Reinforcing my point; is anyone actually opening these emails? And if not, what's the point of sending trillions of them?
The reason I even mention any of this is because spam is not only annoying, it is fast becoming dangerous. In recent years, spam and similar maladies like spyware, viruses, autodialers, etc. have shifted from being passive annoyances to very proactive and aggressive tools of destruction. With every safeguard we can install on our computer, some genius with way too much time on his hands finds a new loophole.
In a recent news story, a 40-year-old substitute teacher is in danger of being sentenced to 40 YEARS in prison for accidentally and unwittingly exposing a classroom full of 7th-graders to various pornographic pop-up advertisements that appeared out of nowhere while letting the kids surf the net on the class computer. As it turns out, in this case, the teacher had hired a lawyer who was woefully uninformed and unprepared to specifically place the blame on spammers and spybots. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for her appeal, as she has already been convicted of 4 felonies in this case.
A couple of years ago, some asshole company saw fit to install an ad on my computer without telling me. This ad was for something called The Amazing Diet Patch, a transdermal patch that pumped you full of some sort of diet drugs. This ad would pop up at random moments, complete with a very loud female announcer who would tell me all about the diet patch, and scare the bejesus out of my cat. When I wasn't hearing Diet Patch Lady's voice in my nightmares, I was hearing it in reality because it woke me up out of a sound sleep from the office next to my bedroom. I became so frustrated with the ad that I tracked down the phone number for the shady-sounding company that was behind the product, called them up, and demanded to be transferred to the tech department to explain how to get the thing off of my system. Since I was talking to some order-entry paean who probably had no idea what I was talking about, I g
My point is that there is no reason this ad should have been installed to begin with. If I want a diet patch, I'll go find one and buy it. If I want porn, or a midget sex message, or information on penny stocks, I'll seek it out on my own, thank you very much. I hate spam and spyware much as I would hate someone breaking the window of my apartment to sneak in while I was asleep and ask me if I wanted to buy something. Even if it was something really, REALLY good.
When spam and its ilk cross the line from annoyance to invasion, we all need to step back and realize that although there are some laws to govern this type of activity (like the CAN-SPAM act), there is no real way to enforce them until the damage has already been done, whether it's damage to your peace of mind or to your PC. So I will make a plea to all you spammers out there:
Please just stop doing what you're doing. Your way of doing business should be illegal, and at the very least it should give you trouble sleeping at night. If your products were any good in the first place, you would not need to resort to sneaky and cryptic marketing strategies. Nobody is shopping online for Diet Patches, searching for midget sex messages, or in need of any sort of herbal substitutes for marijuana unless they are really, really dumb or desperate. Your day will come!
January 20, 2007
Why I Gave Up On Comic Strips
When I was at SU, I had a comic strip in the Daily Orange that ran two days a week, called "Welcome To My World". It was poorly drawn, but I was more focused on the humor at the time. Probably my biggest inspiration at the time (1998-2000) was a little strip from Canada called Space Moose. If you've never seen it, there's really no way to do it justice with a simple explanation (warning - it's NOT for kids.)In recent months, I've been considering starting up a new series of comic strips, because at least once a day I have an idea that I think would be pretty funny. The only problem is, there are already so many strips out there on the Web that are amazing and hilarious, that it's actually kind of discouraging. I'm fairly certain that nothing I can come up with will ever be as good as some of the genius I've seen out there. I'm sure you have felt the same way about something before, be it music, art, writing, or whatever.
Anyway, I still may end up doing a strip if I can force myself to work hard enough on it. But for now, I thought I'd share a few of my favorites with you. If you're planning to read any of these while you're at work, at church, or while someone is taking a nap in the other room, I strongly advise against it, because it's guaranteed that some of these will make you laugh WAY out loud. Check it:
- "Get Your War On" - A highly political strip that I assume evolved from the author's prior series, "My New Filing Technique is Unstoppable". Both are absolutely insane and fantastic commentaries on the state of business, world politics, and clip art.
- "The Perry Bible Fellowship" - Hilarious and disturbing at the same time. The author is an SU grad (just like me!) who used to have a strip in the Daily Orange (just like me!). One way in which he is not just like me is that his comics are an equal blend of witty dark humor and fantastic craftsmanship.
- "This Modern World" - You may recognize Tom Tomorrow's work from my links page. His comics are hosted on Salon.com and WorkingForChange.com, as well as in many newspapers across the nation.
January 18, 2007
Quitting Smoking
So... for the second year in a row, I made a New Year's Resolution to quit smoking for real. So far, I have not succeeded, but I've made some serious progress. According to my calculations, my daily cigarette consumption is down by about 80%, and on top of that I've switched to Ultra Lights.
I've just learned a really unsettling fact, by the way. Light and Ultra Light cigarettes are meaningless. They're just regular filtered cigarettes with tiny holes poked in the filter, so when you take a drag you're getting a little extra air mixed into the smoke. They "test" the levels of tar and nicotine using a machine that "inhales" the smoke from the end of the filter. What they don't tell you is that most humans who smoke cigarettes typically hold them using their fingers, which effectively cover most of these tiny holes, rendering them pretty much useless.
Ultra Light cigarettes taste basically like just sitting in a really smoky room and breathing the smoke-filled air. Unsatisfying and gross, and it still makes you smell horrible.
Anyway, wish me luck everyone. I can't afford to smoke anymore since moving to Massachusetts, and once I sat down and realized that I've been a smoker for over 10 years, I decided that it's kind of important to not die. My parents are offering to split the cost of laser acupuncture treatment with me, but even divided in half, it's still too expensive for me to afford at the moment.
I also just read this article and got extremely pissed off. Not that the cigarette industry was really doing anything that great for me before I found out, but seeing the article just made them seem so much more evil. I guess even if they send me free flashlights and travel dominoes sets and mix CDs, in the end they're still basing their business on profiting from my self-destruction.
More on this as I progress (or don't)...
I've just learned a really unsettling fact, by the way. Light and Ultra Light cigarettes are meaningless. They're just regular filtered cigarettes with tiny holes poked in the filter, so when you take a drag you're getting a little extra air mixed into the smoke. They "test" the levels of tar and nicotine using a machine that "inhales" the smoke from the end of the filter. What they don't tell you is that most humans who smoke cigarettes typically hold them using their fingers, which effectively cover most of these tiny holes, rendering them pretty much useless.
Ultra Light cigarettes taste basically like just sitting in a really smoky room and breathing the smoke-filled air. Unsatisfying and gross, and it still makes you smell horrible.
Anyway, wish me luck everyone. I can't afford to smoke anymore since moving to Massachusetts, and once I sat down and realized that I've been a smoker for over 10 years, I decided that it's kind of important to not die. My parents are offering to split the cost of laser acupuncture treatment with me, but even divided in half, it's still too expensive for me to afford at the moment.
I also just read this article and got extremely pissed off. Not that the cigarette industry was really doing anything that great for me before I found out, but seeing the article just made them seem so much more evil. I guess even if they send me free flashlights and travel dominoes sets and mix CDs, in the end they're still basing their business on profiting from my self-destruction.
More on this as I progress (or don't)...
Illustratology Blog Announcement
Coming in February 2007 (or sooner)!
Yes, I am becoming one of those "blog people". If you'd like to know what the blog is going to be about (eww.. I hate the word "blog"... I wish it was called something else. It sounds like some kind of gross combination of "blood" and "egg") I really don't know quite yet.
This blog is mostly inspired by sheer laziness, please note the irony of that statement, since the actual mechanics of putting the blogging tags into my own web format were a living hell that drove me to the brink of insanity. I just decided months ago that I wanted an extremely simple and fast way to post any random thoughts, ideas, or news that I had onto my site without having to go through the whole hassle of republishing a page every time.
Anyway, hope you enjoy it when it actually begins to accumulate some substance.
-Rick
Yes, I am becoming one of those "blog people". If you'd like to know what the blog is going to be about (eww.. I hate the word "blog"... I wish it was called something else. It sounds like some kind of gross combination of "blood" and "egg") I really don't know quite yet.
This blog is mostly inspired by sheer laziness, please note the irony of that statement, since the actual mechanics of putting the blogging tags into my own web format were a living hell that drove me to the brink of insanity. I just decided months ago that I wanted an extremely simple and fast way to post any random thoughts, ideas, or news that I had onto my site without having to go through the whole hassle of republishing a page every time.
Anyway, hope you enjoy it when it actually begins to accumulate some substance.
-Rick
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