It. Kicks. ASS.
I am no sports fan by any means. I enjoy a good hockey game from time to time, but most other sports, professional or otherwise, seem to have fallen prey to the unfortunate syndrome of the modern-day participants having outgrown the rules that were crafted close to a century ago. A sort of athletic inflation, if you will.Roller Derby is quite different than anything you've seen, I guarantee. Two teams of badass women compete for points in a bout with an amazingly simple set of rules.
A bout (the overall match) is made up of three 20-minute periods. Each period is filled with 2-minute "jams" in which one member from each team (known as the "jammer") tries to pass all members of the opposing team at least once without getting blocked or knocked out of bounds. For each opposing player the jammer passes after initially taking the lead, a point is awarded. Although the blocking techniques can result in some brutal collisions and spills, there are formal rules as to how the blocking is done. Elbowing, tripping, or any sort of pushing with the hands is forbidden, and will eventually result in the offender being sent to the Penalty Box. This leaves a wide variety of techniques by which the "blockers" may prevent a jammer from passing by. Collisions with hips, full-body obstruction, and "booty blocking" (named so for obvious reasons) is allowed.
All technical explanations aside, this would be fun to watch even if you had no idea what was going on. But the rules and general gameplay are thoughtfully explained and demonstrated before each bout, for the edification of the entire audience. This is one of the excellent aspects of going to see the Boston Derby Dames play: It is an open and friendly event that can appeal to anyone. There's no inherent rivalry between teams, no anger or outrage from fans, and there's plenty of music, beer, snacks, and helpful banter from the announcers to make it virtually impossible not to have fun.
Anyone who knows me will recall that when it comes to sports, I don't care. At all. In my younger days, I was a big fan of the Boston Celtics, and Larry Bird was and is my greatest all-time sports hero. But as the 80's gave way to the 90's and the domination of the sport by
players like Jordan and Shaq, I lost interest. Basketball is still a good game, but the problem is that the players have gotten too good for the rules, and eliminated much of the challenge, teamwork, and fast-paced strategic execution that used to amaze me. I still think the net should be raised one foot in order to keep the evolution of the game congruous with that of the athletes.I played Little League as a kid, and liked baseball a lot. I saw Roger Clemens pitch for the Red Sox in his rookie year, and was amazed at his skill. But in the last decade, I have soured on pro baseball as well. My gripe is that pro baseball players, like most modern-day professional athletes, have been conditioned to think that because they can throw a ball or run fast, that they are better than anyone else. The reason is money. A pro athlete today can expect to make millions of dollars a year, be considered a priveleged celebrity, and, in extreme cases, be the stars of bad films, rap albums, and outrageously high-paying product endorsements. I have never felt that athletes should be comparable with movie stars. Actually, I don't even think movie stars should be treated like movie stars. The word "professional" implies that you do what you do because it's your job, not because it makes you a superstar millionaire. Do I sound bitter and jealous? Think what you want, because I'm not. I will be the first person to encourage people to seek out employment that they will enjoy for the rest of their lives, and if you happen to make millions doing it, more power to you. My issue is that professional sports, along with acting, singing, and other hyper-glorified professions, project standards and aspirations to the average person that are unreasonable, misleading, and loaded with almost certain disappointment.
But all that is a topic for another day. Back to the point, seeing a Derby bout is fun and family-friendly, in the same sense as going to a minor-league baseball game would be. The tickets are inexpensive, and you can't help but be swept up by the fast-paced action and intensity of each jam. It's a relatively low-to-no-frills event, there are no cheerleaders or celebrities singing the National Anthem. Certainly there are merchandise sales, advertisements, and contests, in a sense. But it's all very down-to-earth; Advertisements come from local sponsors (largely roller-skating rinks), merchandise is reasonably-priced. In my opinion, Roller Derby is to sports what punk rock is to music. Its own existence is a statement in and of itself. It really doesn't matter how great you are, who wins or loses. Stripped down, simplified, and a venue not only to perform, but to simultaneously and expressively be yourself and reinvent your own image and personality. Skaters, referees, and even the announcers sport descriptive aliases that sound like something out of professional wrestling-meets-Mad Max.
Oh, and don't be intimidated by all the Bettie Bangs, tattoos, fishnet stockings, and piercings. You don't have to shop at Hot Topic to enjoy a Roller Derby. It's not a rave or a poetry slam, but a simple and straightforward sport that has evolved into the perfect athletic outlet for the modern young woman (especially the modern young woman with a colorful name like Goldiboxx, Maura Buse, or Wanda Whipya). Flat-track Roller Derby got its start in the 1930's, originally designed as a simple length-based race around a track. Inevitably, collisions and inadvertent injury ensued much to the excitement of the audience (who, I imagine, would otherwise have been bored to tears), and the concept was reimagined as a co-ed contest with the same basic rules as are used today.
Roller Derby never really caught on as a major sport, but enjoyed spikes of popularity in the 1950's, 1970's, and of course, in the 1990's on the now-defunct TNN's "Rollerjam". (TNN is now Spike TV, and is basically a televised version of Maxim Magazine. It's no surprise that sweaty short-skirted roller-chicks crashing into each other was a precursor to what the station is today.)
The national Derby league that includes last night's Boston Derby Dames is called the Women's Flat Track Derby Association. It is primarily owned, operated, regulated, and moderated by the skaters themselves. In a world where corporations pay millions to put their name on a home run or instant replay, this is impressive to me. The whole enterprise is a refreshing and engrossing pastime, and I certainly intend to go to as many bouts as possible as they are announced.
If there's a WFTDA team near you, I demand that you go check it out at once.
Anyone who knows me will recall that when it comes to sports, I don't care. At all. In my younger days, I was a big fan of the Boston Celtics, and Larry Bird was and is my greatest all-time sports hero. But as the 80's gave way to the 90's and the domination of the sport by
players like Jordan and Shaq, I lost interest. Basketball is still a good game, but the problem is that the players have gotten too good for the rules, and eliminated much of the challenge, teamwork, and fast-paced strategic execution that used to amaze me. I still think the net should be raised one foot in order to keep the evolution of the game congruous with that of the athletes.I played Little League as a kid, and liked baseball a lot. I saw Roger Clemens pitch for the Red Sox in his rookie year, and was amazed at his skill. But in the last decade, I have soured on pro baseball as well. My gripe is that pro baseball players, like most modern-day professional athletes, have been conditioned to think that because they can throw a ball or run fast, that they are better than anyone else. The reason is money. A pro athlete today can expect to make millions of dollars a year, be considered a priveleged celebrity, and, in extreme cases, be the stars of bad films, rap albums, and outrageously high-paying product endorsements. I have never felt that athletes should be comparable with movie stars. Actually, I don't even think movie stars should be treated like movie stars. The word "professional" implies that you do what you do because it's your job, not because it makes you a superstar millionaire. Do I sound bitter and jealous? Think what you want, because I'm not. I will be the first person to encourage people to seek out employment that they will enjoy for the rest of their lives, and if you happen to make millions doing it, more power to you. My issue is that professional sports, along with acting, singing, and other hyper-glorified professions, project standards and aspirations to the average person that are unreasonable, misleading, and loaded with almost certain disappointment.
But all that is a topic for another day. Back to the point, seeing a Derby bout is fun and family-friendly, in the same sense as going to a minor-league baseball game would be. The tickets are inexpensive, and you can't help but be swept up by the fast-paced action and intensity of each jam. It's a relatively low-to-no-frills event, there are no cheerleaders or celebrities singing the National Anthem. Certainly there are merchandise sales, advertisements, and contests, in a sense. But it's all very down-to-earth; Advertisements come from local sponsors (largely roller-skating rinks), merchandise is reasonably-priced. In my opinion, Roller Derby is to sports what punk rock is to music. Its own existence is a statement in and of itself. It really doesn't matter how great you are, who wins or loses. Stripped down, simplified, and a venue not only to perform, but to simultaneously and expressively be yourself and reinvent your own image and personality. Skaters, referees, and even the announcers sport descriptive aliases that sound like something out of professional wrestling-meets-Mad Max.Oh, and don't be intimidated by all the Bettie Bangs, tattoos, fishnet stockings, and piercings. You don't have to shop at Hot Topic to enjoy a Roller Derby. It's not a rave or a poetry slam, but a simple and straightforward sport that has evolved into the perfect athletic outlet for the modern young woman (especially the modern young woman with a colorful name like Goldiboxx, Maura Buse, or Wanda Whipya). Flat-track Roller Derby got its start in the 1930's, originally designed as a simple length-based race around a track. Inevitably, collisions and inadvertent injury ensued much to the excitement of the audience (who, I imagine, would otherwise have been bored to tears), and the concept was reimagined as a co-ed contest with the same basic rules as are used today.
Roller Derby never really caught on as a major sport, but enjoyed spikes of popularity in the 1950's, 1970's, and of course, in the 1990's on the now-defunct TNN's "Rollerjam". (TNN is now Spike TV, and is basically a televised version of Maxim Magazine. It's no surprise that sweaty short-skirted roller-chicks crashing into each other was a precursor to what the station is today.)The national Derby league that includes last night's Boston Derby Dames is called the Women's Flat Track Derby Association. It is primarily owned, operated, regulated, and moderated by the skaters themselves. In a world where corporations pay millions to put their name on a home run or instant replay, this is impressive to me. The whole enterprise is a refreshing and engrossing pastime, and I certainly intend to go to as many bouts as possible as they are announced.
If there's a WFTDA team near you, I demand that you go check it out at once.
Here are some photos from last night's bout between the Boston Massacre and the Philadelphia Liberty Belles, themed "Slaughters of the Revolution!". (Sorry about the quality, it was very dark at the venue.)
